No one said it was gonna be easy...
But I never thought it was gonna be this hard. It's been two weeks and two days since I left my husband. I constantly wonder if I made the right decision. I am sure I did...
My husband and I met in February of 1999. We had our daughter in January of 2000. Yes yes... Many drunken nights are to blame. I was alone the last half of my pregnancy. I didn't tell a soul other than a few really close friends and my, now, husband. I was terrified of what people would think. I was 19 years old still living with my parents. It was a few weeks before Thanksgiving when I finally told my step-mom. She was heart-broken. She told my dad and a few days later I had to move out. I stayed in a co-workers garage, made into an 8x8 bedroom with a 5x3 attached bathroom. Not the best living quarters but much better than the street. As time grew closer to have the baby I wrote my mom a letter telling her to be expecting a grand-daughter in the next few weeks. I knew I was breaking my families heart... but I knew having a child would stop me from going down the road my soon to be husband chose to stay on...
A few days after having our daughter, Francesca, I moved in with my Nona (grandma). She lived all of 3 houses away from my parents. My father continued to watch us from inside his front door but wanted nothing to do with me. We never got a long anyway... My step-mom would bring Francesca to see him but I was not allowed in his house. A few months later that changed. I think my father realized I was still his daughter....
Time went on and I tried to talk to Ray and get him to want to see his daughter but he never "had time". Yea he was too busy raising his first daughter with a slut that really was a crackhead. I started working when Francesca was a little over a year and it broke my heart to see her screaming as I left the daycare. But if I was gonna raise her alone I had to go to work.
After a few months I decided to go to bartending school so I could work nights and not have to leave my daughter with strangers. I did that for about 6 months before I started talking to Ray again. Here Francesca was about to have her 2nd birthday and now all of a sudden he wants in our lives. He told me he would change, stop drinking, he wanted to take care of us... I believed him....
To make a longer story a little shorter... Ray joined a branch in the military and left for boot camp in May and came hom ein July for a few weeks. We got married on July 10th, 2002. Ray left for school, in Virginia, while I stayed home in California. He was drunk 9 out of ten times that I called him. He came home right before Thanksgiving. We moved 400 miles from family right after Thanksgiving. And on Christmas Eve I found out we were expecting baby #2... NOT what I wanted. Ray left for Iraq on January 3rd, 2003. 5 days before our daughters 3rd birthday, so yet again he wouldnt be at her birthday party.
Ray came home in June and our son was born on my birthday at the end of August. This is when it all went down hill. Ray continued to drink and hide it from me. He would "be nice" and wake up with the baby at night... Yea he'd go downstairs and download porn onto my computer, as though I would never find out about it. He swore it "just showed up one day". Pornographic movies DO NOT show up by themselves, especially personalized with his favorite "girls". And as for the bottle of rum under the living room couch... that just showed up too. Thank God I found it and not our daughter...
Ray ended up getting "discharged" from the military because he was drunk while standing watch. A HUGE no-no while in the military. So on Christmas Eve of 2004 we moved in with my in-laws... FUN!! The drinking got worse, the bitching got worse and the more angry I got. I gave him a choice... Either he gets help for his drinking or I leave with the kids....
Here I am 1000 miles away from him and the rest of my family. It shows what came first. Two weeks have past and he hasn't tried to get any help. He's perfectly happy. He has mommie to raise his daughter that was dumped on us. He can go out whenever he wants... just like he was young again. Oh yes.. he'll be 27 in a month. So now I am starting over... I no longer care what people think... He can either get help for his drinking and try to start our life over together, once again (and Im not holding my breath this time), or he can become my prey...
My husband and I met in February of 1999. We had our daughter in January of 2000. Yes yes... Many drunken nights are to blame. I was alone the last half of my pregnancy. I didn't tell a soul other than a few really close friends and my, now, husband. I was terrified of what people would think. I was 19 years old still living with my parents. It was a few weeks before Thanksgiving when I finally told my step-mom. She was heart-broken. She told my dad and a few days later I had to move out. I stayed in a co-workers garage, made into an 8x8 bedroom with a 5x3 attached bathroom. Not the best living quarters but much better than the street. As time grew closer to have the baby I wrote my mom a letter telling her to be expecting a grand-daughter in the next few weeks. I knew I was breaking my families heart... but I knew having a child would stop me from going down the road my soon to be husband chose to stay on...
A few days after having our daughter, Francesca, I moved in with my Nona (grandma). She lived all of 3 houses away from my parents. My father continued to watch us from inside his front door but wanted nothing to do with me. We never got a long anyway... My step-mom would bring Francesca to see him but I was not allowed in his house. A few months later that changed. I think my father realized I was still his daughter....
Time went on and I tried to talk to Ray and get him to want to see his daughter but he never "had time". Yea he was too busy raising his first daughter with a slut that really was a crackhead. I started working when Francesca was a little over a year and it broke my heart to see her screaming as I left the daycare. But if I was gonna raise her alone I had to go to work.
After a few months I decided to go to bartending school so I could work nights and not have to leave my daughter with strangers. I did that for about 6 months before I started talking to Ray again. Here Francesca was about to have her 2nd birthday and now all of a sudden he wants in our lives. He told me he would change, stop drinking, he wanted to take care of us... I believed him....
To make a longer story a little shorter... Ray joined a branch in the military and left for boot camp in May and came hom ein July for a few weeks. We got married on July 10th, 2002. Ray left for school, in Virginia, while I stayed home in California. He was drunk 9 out of ten times that I called him. He came home right before Thanksgiving. We moved 400 miles from family right after Thanksgiving. And on Christmas Eve I found out we were expecting baby #2... NOT what I wanted. Ray left for Iraq on January 3rd, 2003. 5 days before our daughters 3rd birthday, so yet again he wouldnt be at her birthday party.
Ray came home in June and our son was born on my birthday at the end of August. This is when it all went down hill. Ray continued to drink and hide it from me. He would "be nice" and wake up with the baby at night... Yea he'd go downstairs and download porn onto my computer, as though I would never find out about it. He swore it "just showed up one day". Pornographic movies DO NOT show up by themselves, especially personalized with his favorite "girls". And as for the bottle of rum under the living room couch... that just showed up too. Thank God I found it and not our daughter...
Ray ended up getting "discharged" from the military because he was drunk while standing watch. A HUGE no-no while in the military. So on Christmas Eve of 2004 we moved in with my in-laws... FUN!! The drinking got worse, the bitching got worse and the more angry I got. I gave him a choice... Either he gets help for his drinking or I leave with the kids....
Here I am 1000 miles away from him and the rest of my family. It shows what came first. Two weeks have past and he hasn't tried to get any help. He's perfectly happy. He has mommie to raise his daughter that was dumped on us. He can go out whenever he wants... just like he was young again. Oh yes.. he'll be 27 in a month. So now I am starting over... I no longer care what people think... He can either get help for his drinking and try to start our life over together, once again (and Im not holding my breath this time), or he can become my prey...
posted by The Black Widow at 10:48 PM
2 comments
