stupid girl....
As the day draw nearer I am regreting it more and more. Ray is to arrive in Portland on Thursday evening. I am tempted to leave him there. Portland is at least 2 hours away from here. With him never coming here there is no way he will find me.
I have no idea why I allow sucha monster to stay in my life. He has hurt me more than anyone I have ever known and I still allow him in my life. Just so he can rip out my heart, stomp on it and then spit on it all while laughing... or so it seems. There are days when he says hes sorry and that he needs me but there are still days that he is so mean to me I hate that I even know him.
He told me that yea hes one to two AA meetings but hes still drinking as much as he did before. I dont want this creature in my life. Why do I do this to myself?? I get so angry at him but in reality I should only get mad at myself for allowing it.
I know this is supposed to be a long "journey" of tourterous hell but come one now... I dont htink I need to stay here. I dont want this life for my children and I. I have no place to call home. I have no real job to provide for my half of this family. I have no education outside of high school and the fucked up school of life. Where am I gonna go that will make enough money to support us?
So many people say "money isnt everything" or "money cant buy you happiness"... Hello? You better bet your life it is and it does! I am not saying my life would be 100% better if I had all the money in the world but damn it sure as hell would be nice! I coudl buy a home, a divorce, a new car, a divorce, toys for the kids, a divorce... toys for me (a divorce) oh and did I mention I could pay for my divorce? Hahahaha...
Damn I am so not in the mood to write all this crap... I feel like I am always repeating myself so fuck it... You get the point... stupid girl puts up with and just complains about asshole husband but doesnt leave...
I have no idea why I allow sucha monster to stay in my life. He has hurt me more than anyone I have ever known and I still allow him in my life. Just so he can rip out my heart, stomp on it and then spit on it all while laughing... or so it seems. There are days when he says hes sorry and that he needs me but there are still days that he is so mean to me I hate that I even know him.
He told me that yea hes one to two AA meetings but hes still drinking as much as he did before. I dont want this creature in my life. Why do I do this to myself?? I get so angry at him but in reality I should only get mad at myself for allowing it.
I know this is supposed to be a long "journey" of tourterous hell but come one now... I dont htink I need to stay here. I dont want this life for my children and I. I have no place to call home. I have no real job to provide for my half of this family. I have no education outside of high school and the fucked up school of life. Where am I gonna go that will make enough money to support us?
So many people say "money isnt everything" or "money cant buy you happiness"... Hello? You better bet your life it is and it does! I am not saying my life would be 100% better if I had all the money in the world but damn it sure as hell would be nice! I coudl buy a home, a divorce, a new car, a divorce, toys for the kids, a divorce... toys for me (a divorce) oh and did I mention I could pay for my divorce? Hahahaha...
Damn I am so not in the mood to write all this crap... I feel like I am always repeating myself so fuck it... You get the point... stupid girl puts up with and just complains about asshole husband but doesnt leave...
posted by The Black Widow at 7:03 PM
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